Student Reflection 2

Throughout this process, I really feel like I've found my confidence in my "self". Working with Kristine and her intracultural nature of the work helped me feel more relaxed and comfortable in a rehearsal room than I have ever felt before.  From the first day of rehearsal, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders-- we were approaching the work in order to share our process and the story with the audience. We weren't working to meet an audience's expectations, we were sharing a story with them. Putting our work in this perspective helped free me from having to perform or try to reach a specific "result." This idea has shifted my thoughts on theatre performance in general and I'm looking forward to how it will affect me in my future projects. 

Kristine’s approach allowed me to bring my whole self into the room. We were encouraged to not to distance ourselves from our roles by creating “a character”. We were continuously reminded that this work isn’t about a characterization of someone, but about ourselves, as actors—as people, telling a story. The work wasn't weighed down by vocabulary or a rules. We were encouraged to just be as present as possible and always stay actively engaged in the work we were doing and that the ensemble was doing. In order to stay present and play with each other, Kristine encouraged us to always be open to the other actors in the space. We would begin our rehearsals with games to create a playful and focused atmosphere in the room. The games were simple, but immediately changed the atmosphere in the room from one of drudgery to one of enthusiasm and eagerness. In order to maintain this presence throughout our rehearsals and runs, I would stay invested in our storytelling. It was integral to the piece to watch each other work and to be ready to dash onto the floor and bring your own energy to the play. Kristine introduced us to the word “complicite”, which I understood to mean a sense of play, openness, and support for yourself and your fellow actors. Complicite was only successful if everyone was as keyed into each other’s work as they were into their own parts. Complicite, to me, is very simple. In its simplest form, it’s a matter of being vividly awake in the room and wanting to make a connection between yourself and whoever you are playing with. A selfish actor cannot thrive in Kristine’s work because I am Yusuf was not about creating a showcase for somene’s acting abilities, but about telling a story about a group of people. Complicite was essential in helping us find and maintain a working rhythm. It was no longer about focusing on how you acted in your scene, but what your role in the story was-- how your role changed and shifted the story and what it meant to the audience.  I saw my roles, as Woman from Haifa and Woman with Tree, as two very different aspects of the play. Woman from Haifa was the first time we encountered the actual suffering of refugees. This interaction was a pivotal shift in the tone of the play and it was vital for me to come onto the floor with an energy that was unlike anyone else on the stage. I was the foreign entity that allowed the audience to see the horrors that hadn’t yet filled the stage. As Woman with Tree, I knew I had to come onto the floor with the energy of a freight train in my core. In the play, the Woman with Tree comes on right after, as Kristine once said “Old Nada’s emotional scene” and in order to keep the rhythm of the play moving, there had to be a tone shift. I did find Woman with the Tree emotional, but in a defiant and believe it or not, hopeful way.

Throughout rehearsals, I found it refreshing to be to able to get on the floor and just bring what I felt to the role. Our rehearsals weren't overworked, but focused more on slowly letting ourselves open up through the stories we were telling. We would work through extended improvisations to find the ease in our roles and our stories. These extended improvisations were vital in finding the shape of our scenes. I knew that Kristine would say, "Yes, and now try this" and my work would open up in a different way in each rehearsal. I've never experienced a room that felt so open to who I was as an actor and what I brought through my own experiences as a person. 

The encouragement of bringing myself into the work helped me connect with my voice more than I was able to in my previous training. Instead of feeling like I had to give a specific performance, or be a specific type of actor, I felt like I could just be myself on the stage and see where it took me. I felt that I could breathe more freely, physically and creatively, because we had worked to develop a sense of play and freedom in the room. I've struggled with feeling a connection between my voice and my acting throughout the year, but by really embracing my own accent and not trying to over-annunciate or over-work anything, I found a confidence and freedom in my voice that I had lacked before. This freedom manifested itself by allowing me to not think about how my voice sounded or resonated, but to focus on what my story was. This experience has taught me to stop trying to prove myself or achieve a specific result. I've learned to embrace who I am as an actor and what I bring into the room. I can now head into the professional world knowing that I know what I'm doing in a room and I can consistently deepen my work because I trust myself and the work I bring onto the floor.